Author's Note: Well. This escalated quickly. There's some rather blushworthy stuff in here, so read at your own peril. You have been warned.
Good evening, everyone (assuming that you are in fact reading this in the evening. I mean, come on. I'm writing it in the evening. Haven't you ever heard of common decency? Geez. What are you thinking. And don't you give me any of that malarkey about "time zones" or that sort of nonsense. This is America. I know people from Philadeplp-Philadehp-a city in Pennlys-Peenseyl-a northeastern Mid-Atlantic state. I mean, they believe in God.). I am quite tired. But before I get into the possible reasons as to WHY I'm tired (and really, there can only be one), we have some milestones to celebrate.
First off, at some point today or yesterday, we surpassed 2,000 page views. And with this post, we should be surpassing 50,000 words and thereby fulfilling the Novemblog requirements. Yaaaay! (Say it in a Kermit voice. You know you want to.)
This is just wonderful, isn't it? Well, I (like the MEETING STREET PIGGLY WIGGLY) have got some great news for you. I'm going to tell you why I'm so freaking tired. And you will totally understand why.
See, I forgot that alfredo sauce (well, really, alfredo-like sauce, because I don't quite know how to make a true alfredo sauce) is heavy.
That's right. We're breaking out the old Regalia. And since I'm so freaking tired, I'm going to fix myself a glass of something that may be beer, but it may be bourbon. Time will tell. Time. Will tell. (In my absence, discuss the merits of utilizing punctuation as a means of indicating pauses and inflection rather than sentence structure. And go.)
It ended up being beer. We are out of the small glasses that I would want for such a beverage, and I'm honestly not up for that business tonight. Because I'm tired.
The plan today was a simple on. Get done with my hospital visit, come home, make dinner, eat said dinner, and then read some ethics and generally study. Well, Murphy decided to butt in by making my arteries rage war against my taste buds until both passed out in exhaustion/ecstasy. I am, of course, talking about my meal, to which a clever name will be applied shortly.
That meal was... INNUENDO SAUSAGE.
Before I talk about the process that made... INNUENDO SAUSAGE, let's talk about what INSPIRED... INNUENDO SAUSAGE. See, it all goes back to Chez Paul. Chez Paul is an incredible restaurant in the Bastille area in Paris. It's a bit on the pricey side, but when family visited and was like, "OH HEY COME OUT TO DINNER BECAUSE WE'RE YOUR PARENTS," or "HEY COUSIN ROB, I'M LEADING A COLLEGE GROUP OF YOUNG COLLEGE WOMEN TO PARIS, AND YOU'RE COMING TO DINNER," I will jump at the call. It's... wow.
Anyway, when I went to Chez Paul, I had the, ahem, (puts on French hat) "Cuisse de lapin farcie au chèvre et à la menthe fraîche." Yes, it's rabbit. Yes, there's goat cheese. Neither of these things is bad, because good Lord was it delicious.
So flash back to Sunday, and I'm thinking, "Hmm. What do I want for dinner?" Then I saw some goat cheese, and my course was set. This was at the MEETING STREET PIGGLY WIGGLY, of course, where I don't believe they sell rabbit, so I improvised with kielbasa.
The results... may surprise you.
Let's Get These Ingredients Into Something More Comfortable
The innuendo sausage requires a fair few ingredients, most of which are shown to whichever side I decide to put the photo. We'll go with left. You know, start you off with the familiar to just ease you into things before we ramp things up and it gets a bit freaky. But yes. The ingredients. Oh god my eye is itching what is this. I don't even know. HOWEVER, I need to endure to give you ingredients.
3 red peppers
1 lb and some change of kielbasa sausage
2 onions
A whole bunch of garlic. I think I used something like 6 cloves, but they were smallish cloves. I hardly notice the garlic anymore anyway, what with it being such an integral part of EVERYTHING I COOK.
8 ounces of mushrooms. Aren't you glad I'm not using metric measurements anymore?
Some of whatever those noodles are. I just recommend wide noodles, but it's whatever strikes your fancy.
1 pint of heavy cream
Some amount of goat cheese
An appropriate amount of dijon mustard. No, none of this yellow nonsense. We're not savages, and we're not trying to win a hot dog eating contest. Well, not today at least.
Olive oil
Now, first (thanks for this, Suzanne), you're going to start out by dicing the onions and the garlic. Start slowly, just gently rocking that knife back and forth. You don't want to go too fast at first, but you can gradually pick up the pace. I like to move slowly at first to get those nice fine cuts (which, as I've said, make me feel like a man. No, I won't link to that post, because it's somewhere in here, but I cannot recall where), but once that's done, I really cut loose and go fast and hard on them.
Now, once they're nice and chopped, you can start warming up a bit of that oil. Really spread it along the bottom of the pan, because you don't want the onions or garlic to have any trouble gliding around the pan. Heck, add some Italian seasoning to them to just really spice things up. Use a nice medium heat to sauté those guys.
Getting the Veggies ALL Hot and Bothered
Now, while the onions and the garlic are starting to sauté on that hot pan, take the knife and slowly chop those peppers. I prefer getting them into 1/6 pepper lengths before I start chopping more finely, but it's whatever you prefer. Either way, once you get them ready, you're going to toss them and the mushrooms onto the pan with the onions and garlic.
Stir them around to get things nice and mixed up. Let the vegetables slide across one another ever so gently.
Wherein Rob Starts To Get Very Uncomfortable
Well, okay. There's no way around this part. You're going to need a good serrated blade for this bit. You're going to start by gently but firmly grasping the sausage. Then, you're going to work your way around the sausage (or along the length of the sausage, depending on its inherent curvature. As you can seen, mine had quite an awkward angle to it, but I persevered nonetheless). You want to slice it into manageable pieces that you (and your fellow dinnergoers, of course) will be able to fit into your mouth. Obviously, this will depend on your own abilities and the size of your respective sausage.
Once it's cut, you can toss the pieces onto the pan. I drained the juice first, because it was just getting a bit too moist in there. Then, I reapplied a bit of olive oil to keep things gliding smoothly. By now, things should look somewhat like the picture below.
Oh, you saucy minx OR Mmm... Creamy. (I couldn't decide, and it pads the word count.)
Well, at this point, I had my doubts about this meal. I mean, all the parts on their own seemed delicious, but those red peppers didn't smell like they'd work with the cream sauce. As I pondered this, I added a copious amount of Italian seasoning and Cayenne pepper to the pan. After all, sometimes, when you're not sure or you feel like you've worked yourself into a rut, you've just got to spice things up a bit.
I decided that boldness is the way to get what you want in the kitchen, and I took a shot at it. Of course, my initial plan was to go with cream and goat cheese alone. It occurred to me that mustard tends to go well with sausage, and I thought I might throw that into the mix.
I did not regret it.
My strategy for the sauce was one of adding the mustard first (a liberal and firm squeeze to really get it to shoot out of there), then the goat cheese (which, mercifully, was flaky rather than the gooey crap I've seen before), and finally... the cream.
Once the sauce is intertwined with the sausage and the vegetables, just let it simmer for a little while. Let the anticipation build as the flavors blend.
While you're doing all this, you should probably be working on the noodles, too. I know, it's hard to multitask sometimes, but if you're going to do things properly and for everyone's enjoyment, you've got to bite down and keep going.
And then, once you're finally done, you can toss the noodles on there and stir things up. I know, you're probably a bit frantic to start gobbling this down, but give it a bit. It's just so hot right now.
Of course, that brings us back to my point at the beginning. Back to the thrust of the matter, as it were.
I did not have a huge portion of this wonderful business, but I took my time on even those small morsels. It is delicious. It is delightful. Until you finish, you just want it to keep going.
But, like any red blooded male would, once I finished, I just wanted to go to sleep.
Good evening, everyone (assuming that you are in fact reading this in the evening. I mean, come on. I'm writing it in the evening. Haven't you ever heard of common decency? Geez. What are you thinking. And don't you give me any of that malarkey about "time zones" or that sort of nonsense. This is America. I know people from Philadeplp-Philadehp-a city in Pennlys-Peenseyl-a northeastern Mid-Atlantic state. I mean, they believe in God.). I am quite tired. But before I get into the possible reasons as to WHY I'm tired (and really, there can only be one), we have some milestones to celebrate.
First off, at some point today or yesterday, we surpassed 2,000 page views. And with this post, we should be surpassing 50,000 words and thereby fulfilling the Novemblog requirements. Yaaaay! (Say it in a Kermit voice. You know you want to.)
 |
| She's trying so hard to do a Kermit voice, and I'm trying so hard to not dislike her for not being excited about confetti. It's an imperfect relationship. |
See, I forgot that alfredo sauce (well, really, alfredo-like sauce, because I don't quite know how to make a true alfredo sauce) is heavy.
That's right. We're breaking out the old Regalia. And since I'm so freaking tired, I'm going to fix myself a glass of something that may be beer, but it may be bourbon. Time will tell. Time. Will tell. (In my absence, discuss the merits of utilizing punctuation as a means of indicating pauses and inflection rather than sentence structure. And go.)
It ended up being beer. We are out of the small glasses that I would want for such a beverage, and I'm honestly not up for that business tonight. Because I'm tired.
The plan today was a simple on. Get done with my hospital visit, come home, make dinner, eat said dinner, and then read some ethics and generally study. Well, Murphy decided to butt in by making my arteries rage war against my taste buds until both passed out in exhaustion/ecstasy. I am, of course, talking about my meal, to which a clever name will be applied shortly.
That meal was... INNUENDO SAUSAGE.
Before I talk about the process that made... INNUENDO SAUSAGE, let's talk about what INSPIRED... INNUENDO SAUSAGE. See, it all goes back to Chez Paul. Chez Paul is an incredible restaurant in the Bastille area in Paris. It's a bit on the pricey side, but when family visited and was like, "OH HEY COME OUT TO DINNER BECAUSE WE'RE YOUR PARENTS," or "HEY COUSIN ROB, I'M LEADING A COLLEGE GROUP OF YOUNG COLLEGE WOMEN TO PARIS, AND YOU'RE COMING TO DINNER," I will jump at the call. It's... wow.
 |
| Seriously. That's the menu. WHAT. |
So flash back to Sunday, and I'm thinking, "Hmm. What do I want for dinner?" Then I saw some goat cheese, and my course was set. This was at the MEETING STREET PIGGLY WIGGLY, of course, where I don't believe they sell rabbit, so I improvised with kielbasa.
The results... may surprise you.
THE INNUENDO SAUSAGE
Let's Get These Ingredients Into Something More Comfortable
3 red peppers
1 lb and some change of kielbasa sausage
2 onions
A whole bunch of garlic. I think I used something like 6 cloves, but they were smallish cloves. I hardly notice the garlic anymore anyway, what with it being such an integral part of EVERYTHING I COOK.
8 ounces of mushrooms. Aren't you glad I'm not using metric measurements anymore?
Some of whatever those noodles are. I just recommend wide noodles, but it's whatever strikes your fancy.
1 pint of heavy cream
Some amount of goat cheese
An appropriate amount of dijon mustard. No, none of this yellow nonsense. We're not savages, and we're not trying to win a hot dog eating contest. Well, not today at least.
Olive oil
Now, first (thanks for this, Suzanne), you're going to start out by dicing the onions and the garlic. Start slowly, just gently rocking that knife back and forth. You don't want to go too fast at first, but you can gradually pick up the pace. I like to move slowly at first to get those nice fine cuts (which, as I've said, make me feel like a man. No, I won't link to that post, because it's somewhere in here, but I cannot recall where), but once that's done, I really cut loose and go fast and hard on them.
 |
| Oh yeah. Push it real good. |
Getting the Veggies ALL Hot and Bothered
Now, while the onions and the garlic are starting to sauté on that hot pan, take the knife and slowly chop those peppers. I prefer getting them into 1/6 pepper lengths before I start chopping more finely, but it's whatever you prefer. Either way, once you get them ready, you're going to toss them and the mushrooms onto the pan with the onions and garlic.
 |
| Like so. I bought pre-sliced mushrooms, which were not chopped as finely as a true man would. I will have to accept this failing of an otherwise adequate convenience. |
Stir them around to get things nice and mixed up. Let the vegetables slide across one another ever so gently.
Wherein Rob Starts To Get Very Uncomfortable
 |
| Yikes. |
Once it's cut, you can toss the pieces onto the pan. I drained the juice first, because it was just getting a bit too moist in there. Then, I reapplied a bit of olive oil to keep things gliding smoothly. By now, things should look somewhat like the picture below.
 |
| A regular culinary middle school dance. |
Well, at this point, I had my doubts about this meal. I mean, all the parts on their own seemed delicious, but those red peppers didn't smell like they'd work with the cream sauce. As I pondered this, I added a copious amount of Italian seasoning and Cayenne pepper to the pan. After all, sometimes, when you're not sure or you feel like you've worked yourself into a rut, you've just got to spice things up a bit.
I decided that boldness is the way to get what you want in the kitchen, and I took a shot at it. Of course, my initial plan was to go with cream and goat cheese alone. It occurred to me that mustard tends to go well with sausage, and I thought I might throw that into the mix.
I did not regret it.
My strategy for the sauce was one of adding the mustard first (a liberal and firm squeeze to really get it to shoot out of there), then the goat cheese (which, mercifully, was flaky rather than the gooey crap I've seen before), and finally... the cream.
 |
| I don't mean to shoot my wad with these pictures, but I just couldn't hold back anymore. |
Once the sauce is intertwined with the sausage and the vegetables, just let it simmer for a little while. Let the anticipation build as the flavors blend.
While you're doing all this, you should probably be working on the noodles, too. I know, it's hard to multitask sometimes, but if you're going to do things properly and for everyone's enjoyment, you've got to bite down and keep going.
And then, once you're finally done, you can toss the noodles on there and stir things up. I know, you're probably a bit frantic to start gobbling this down, but give it a bit. It's just so hot right now.
 |
| Oh yes. |
I did not have a huge portion of this wonderful business, but I took my time on even those small morsels. It is delicious. It is delightful. Until you finish, you just want it to keep going.
But, like any red blooded male would, once I finished, I just wanted to go to sleep.
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