Leprechaun 2: The Curse of Curly's Gold

As you may or may not have noticed (and you probably haven't, because I posted it fairly recently, although with the lag on this laptop it may be tomorrow evening by the time I actually finish this post), I finally updated with the Election Day post that I had promised once upon a time. It only took me two weeks to do, so I mean, that's nice, right? That's some quality reporting by our intrepid teen journalist slash blogger, right?

But enough of me trying to pad the entry with words followed by other words. Let's get to the meat of this post, which I'm somewhat excited about, if only because I had an idea about it that turned out to be completely off, so we're flying by the seat of our pants. Is the seat of our pants particularly aerodynamic? Stay tuned and find out.

Several entries ago, I tried to interpret the plot of the "classic" horror-comedy Leprechaun (yes, I should probably use italics or underlining at some point, but I'm a rebel on the run from Strunk and White, heroes of the underrated buddy editor genre of films.) based solely on the poster and the trailer. Tonight, we're going to see what I can do for the sequel, Leprechaun 2.

In thinking up this post, I was torn on whether or not to treat Leprechaun 2 as completely distinct from Leprechaun and try to use entirely new characters and avoid any references to the first one. I've opted to keep at least some semblance of continuity, which may not be the best idea. Also, I'm sorry if I spoiled any of the blogger magic by revealing those secrets.

Yeah, that's about what blogger magic really looks like. Don't make me cast magic missile.

Part of the problem for this one is that I've identified three different posters, and they each tell a somewhat different story. Let's see what blogger magic I can work on this. Okay, I'm going to work off the most- oh. I'm padding, aren't I? Sorry about that. On with the show.

In case the tagline is not visible, "This Time... Luck Has Nothing To Do With It."

So we've got what I can only assume is the jolly, bar-owning frame of Warwick Davis holding a candle in front of a city. Is it Chicago? We'll say it's Chicago. Chicago is a good movie city. The Batmans are there. I feel like Age of Ultron might have been there. It's a good movie city. And let's see, he's holding a candle, and luck has nothing to do with it this time. There's the title, in the same old Irish pub font, but with a 2 scrawled out behind it. Of note, there is no Jennifer Aniston in this movie (probably because they didn't have the budget to afford anyone else after paying THE Warwick Davis' handsome salary. Guys, he was in Willow? Maybe you've heard of it? It had Val Kilmer?).

Young Val Kilmer, of course.

Okay. Picture this. Warwick Davis, flush with the success of Leprechaun's Irish Pub and Restaurant But Not In a Kitschy Bennigan's Sort of Way, has married his now longtime flame Jennifer Aniston. What can I say? Her quirky and offbeat ways have won his heart, and damn society looking down on their union by saying that redheads have no soul and need more anesthesia if they're women. If you prick her, does she not bleed? They buy a house. They go on picnics. They take care of the bar and achieve a degree of success that is above the norm (and even in the upper quartile for their area). There is marital bliss. Because Jennifer Aniston isn't in this movie, this is all obviously offscreen.

The movie- no, let's call it what it is- the FILM begins with Warwick Davis driving home, clearly exhausted from a day of running his business, but clearly invigorated by success and love for his darling wife. He pulls into the driveway, and he looks upon the home that he and his wife have made  just in time for it to explode in a demonstrative fireball with his wife inside. He is hurled backwards and watches, helplessly, as it is all consumed by the flames. His face has been horribly burned (hence the terrible scarring seen in the poster). His wife is dead.

Cut to a funeral. It is a sad day. The community has come out to honor the life of  wonderful woman. Generous, kind, caring- these words pale in comparison to the compassion embodied by this paragon of virtue and grace, Jennifer Aniston.

Rest in peace, Jennifer. "In the aaaaaaarms of an aaaangel."

After the funeral, Warwick Davis is greeting people, thanking them for coming, shaking hands, eating some finger sandwiches, anything to keep himself from thinking of the light of his life that was taken, his lucky star that just went out forever, his baby which was from his womb untimely ripp'd. As the well-wishers and mourners begin to thin out, Warwick is approached by two gentlemen in suits and sunglasses. They begin to ask Warwick Davis some questions about his insurance, whether or not he has any enemies, whether or not his wife had any enemies. In his grief, he is taken aback by such questions- who are these men? Do they not understand the depth of feeling he has- had, he must remember that, and yet he must forget, for as soon as she becomes a was, she is lost to him forever- for his wife? They explain that they are police officers, and they are investigating his wife's death. This was no accident- luck had nothing to do with it. They're investigating for possible arson... and MURDER.

The word rings in Warwick's ears. He stammers that he doesn't know anything about enemies or arson. The police understand and offer their apologies before leaving. After they go, Warwick has a soliloquy (because they're not just for Shakespeare anymore, and Warwick Davis is the thespian we need AND deserve), wherein he vows revenge for his murdered wife. All the pain he has known, all the pain that she endured shall be visited upon the perpetrators ten-fold. He knows he has never been a particularly religious man, but he feels guided by a spirit of divine vengeance that leads him towards his foes. He knows now that he was fortunate to have had as much time with Jennifer as he did. He knows that his happiness was a blessing that he can only recognize now that it's gone, but he was lucky to have it at all. This time? Luck has nothing to do with it.

Warwick leaves the restaurant in the care of an old friend and confidante. He can't afford to have any distractions on this quest for revenge. As he leaves the restaurant, he sees a shady looking fellow watching from across the street. Warwick calls out to the man, who proceeds to run. Warwick leaps into his car, and the chase is on. Fruit stands are knocked over, pedestrians are shooed out of the way, pigeons are disturbed, plate glass is broken. It is truly an epic chase, but like all epics from Gilgamesh to Naruto, it must end, with Warwick pinning the man in an alley. He demands of the man what he knows. The man is uncooperative. Some creative inquiring by Warwick quickly jogs his memory and loosens his tongue. "Chicago," he says. "The guys you want, they're the [insert criminal sounding organization or family name, I can't predict all the magic here. I'm a blogger magician, not a blogger clairvoyant.] out of Chicago. But they're too well connected! You'd have to be lucky or crazy to get to them!"

"Well," says Warwick as he pulls out his gun (purchased previously in a scene that was deleted from the theatrical release because it didn't really add much of anything beyond the explicit purchase of a prop that we've seen on him since after the funeral, but don't worry, it gets put on the deleted scenes on the DVD), "this time, luck has nothing to do with it."

Cut to a framing shot of Chicago. They show some landmarks. Maybe the bean. Maybe the Sears Tower. Maybe Ferris Bueller is riding down the street on a parade float. Whatever it takes to show that it's Chicago. Warwick Davis drives in, and it is clear that he is a badass and he means business. The next bit of movie basically consists of him working his way up the Chicago crime food chain. From the dealers on the streets to the crooked judges in the penthouses, nobody is safe. Well, safe is a relative term. He lets them all go, but with a message: "Warwick is coming for you." He's waiting for the big fish, and he's going to savor his revenge.

He walks back to his hotel when he gets dragged into a limousine. Sitting across from him is the big fish (we'll say he's played by Bill Pullman, because that would throw the audience for a loop). Bill says that he can give Warwick the men who torched his place. Warwick is clearly intrigued. He can have his revenge, and he can go home. He can rebuild his life. All Warwick has to do is leave him and his business alone, Bill says. Go back home. Run the restaurant. It's what Jennifer would have wanted. Bill hands him an envelope that tells him the names and locations of the men who caused the death of his wife. It would just be bad luck if someone happened to find those men and do something terrible to them. No harm, no foul. It's an olive branch. If Warwick takes it, they can be at peace and go their separate ways. If he doesn't, well... he's been lucky so far. Keep this up, and his luck might run out. Bill drops Warwick at a street corner and tells him to think about it. The offer stands through midnight.

Warwick gets to his hotel. "My luck already ran out once, Bill, and then I met Jennifer. You know, I might have let this all go, but you had to say her name. You think I got lucky? This time, luck had nothing to do with it." His path is set. He goes to the location that Bill gave him. He uses his prodigious interrogation skills (food and bev is a rough business) and records a confession. He leaves them and the confession at the local precinct. He thinks of his dead wife again. For the sake of my bride, he thinks, I have to kill Bill.

As an aside, this plot also sorta fits another of the Leprechaun 2 posters.

He makes his way to Bill's building (no pun intended) and carves a path through the security up to Bill's office. There is no longer restraint here. These men stand between me and the man who caused the death of my wife and dared invoke her name. This ends tonight. He finally makes his way to Bill's office... only to find it empty. Well, almost empty. On the desk, there is a note for Warwick. "Warwick," the note reads, "we could have had peace. Instead, you spurned my offer and chose the path of blood. Well, Warwick, blood you shall have." Enclosed with the note is a picture taken at a distance of Leprechaun's with Warwick's old friend outside.

Realizing what Bill is planning, Warwick rushes to the restaurant, only to find Bill holding Warwick's friend (who probably should have gotten a name by this point, but hey, sometimes you have to be avant garde in films) hostage. By now it is morning. Warwick is bloody and battered, and by all means, he should be exhausted. Yet some spirit of vengeance fuels his body, knowing that his quest is almost complete. "Bill," he says. "This is between us. Let my friend go, and we'll settle this." Bill seems to agree, but as Warwick's friend walks away, he shoots him in the shoulder. Warwick's friend collapses to the ground. Warwick retaliates by shooting Bill in the hand (to disarm him, of course, because, I mean, you don't want the guy to have a gun. He's clearly crazy. I know he's Bill Pullman, but that's no excuse for such a lack of gun safety.) followed by the knee, bringing him to the ground. Warwick drags his friend to the door and calls for an ambulance.

Warwick walks inside and blows out the pilot light. He opens the refrigerator. He pours all the alcohol from the bar onto the floor. He returns to Bill, who begins pleading for his life. "It wasn't personal- none of this was personal. I can give you whatever you want. Is this what Jennifer would do?"

"You know, it's probably not. Jennifer might have understood that it was just business. She was always the pragmatic one. She's dead now, though. She is- she was my wife, and she's dead because of you. You can't give her back to me, and you can't give me my life back. No one can." Warwick turns his back on Bill and walks outside.

He pulls his friend to the other side of the street. They hear the sirens as Leprechaun's ignites. The flames warm Warwick and bring him some solace and closure, knowing that he has finished what he started, knowing that that chapter of his life is over. He and Warwick's friend explain that there was a mugger and a struggle. The paramedics say that he was lucky to have gotten out of there alive.

"Luck had nothing to do with it."

Cut to black.

Well, that was depressing.