Tonight, I'm going to do my first guest-inspired post of this Novemblog. I've done them a lot in the past, usually with support from an old nerd camp friend (although once, another friend recommended that I talk about why we're obsessed with cute animal pictures, and I basically said, wow, you don't get my blog). Tonight, though, the inimitable and unenviable Ajax gave a pretty solid suggestion that evolved into something resembling an actual plan of attack. I am going to look at the poster and trailer of each Leprechaun movie (possibly including the relatively recent Leprechaun: Origins- wait, scratch that. Given my usual pace these days, I'm going to just stick with the first one. Sorry to disappoint. On the bright side, this should cut down on some of the padding in the future.). I have seen none of these movies, although I have heard tell of them. I will say that I am trying to purge any thoughts of the Wikipedia summaries from my mind, because they're just going to mess things up. This can only end well, like the time we decided to watch Monster Brawl, which was... a decision, certainly. Speaking of... decisions, they're making a sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Because, you know, the people have spoken, and the people have said, "We want more Kevin James." That is totally a thing that the people said at some point.
Let's do this.
Leprechaun: First off, the poster.
Well, we've got some fella in Pilgrim clothes, and he's opening a door. We've got a tagline (namely, "Your luck just ran out."), but it's in a nice white font, so I'm thinking this is a comedy. Heck, the title is in the somewhat kitschy font they use for generic Irish pubs across the country. So. I'm going to take the stab that we've got a dwarf (apparently played by Warwick Davis, who proceeded to parley being a dwarf into a career of making jokes about how he's a dwarf (based on the reference pool of seeing one clip of Life's Too Short, mostly to watch Liam Neeson)), and he's a Puritan, see? He didn't get along with his folks because of his religion, though, so he's spent a lot of time away from home. Then, his parents die in some sort of tragic accident, so he has to come back to his hometown and manage the family business, which is an Irish pub. So, like, he's opening the door to the bar, and he's having trouble reconciling his (strictly dictated by Hollywood's ideas of his) religious beliefs with running this bar. And, I mean, he had a good thing going as a Puritan, and he felt pretty blessed but now? His luck just ran out.
And, see, Jennifer Aniston is in this one, too, so she's probably the street smart bartender (well, it's an Irish pub in the early 90s, so they probably call her a barmaid (not that they should, mind you, but this IS pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston, so she doesn't carry a whole lot of clout)) who slings the various drinks in the small town.
But, see, now she's got this uptight Puritan (and who is even a Puritan anymore, really? Why would you wear buckles on your hats and shoes?), and she has to sorta show him the ropes on how to get along in this town. He has to run the business, though, so he can't just pal around with EVERYONE, or else he'll be buying all their drinks and won't ever actually get paid (which may actually be what leads Warwick Davis into doing Life's Too Short, because, really, Ricky Gervais could probably just do a vanity project where celebrities play parodies of themselves and he acts obnoxious and we'd be in the same place we are now in terms of Ricky Gervais shows), leading to him losing the family business. Now, he and his Pop didn't agree on much, but this is his father's legacy, you know? He has to keep it afloat somehow.
He decides that, rather than a small pub, he's going to make it into a bit of an Irish spectacle. That gets brought on because his Puritan duds are a bit faded, so they almost look green, and when he's walking down the street (after having an argument with Jennifer Aniston about how they're going to keep the bar running), someone calls him a leprechaun. (Small town folk can be so cruel.) His luck just ran out. He tries to take it in stride, has a lightbulb moment, decides that he'll make the bar into a gimmicky family restaurant called Leprechaun's.
Things start well enough, but the employees are not happy (and, from what I hear from food and bev workers, I can't say that I blame them). Jennifer Aniston starts rallying them against the new regime, which is unfortunate (OR SHOULD I SAY FUNFORTUNATE) for Warwick Davis, because he's finally coming to grips with the feelings he's developed for her. Well, things come to a head, and, wouldn't you know it, they come to a head right as the health inspector is doing a surprise inspection! Oh no! Warwick Davis' luck just ran out! Again! How are they going to get out of this one?
Well, it's 1993, so they're going to use a montage. Jennifer Aniston and the other zany employees (all of whom I'm sure have one and exactly one quirk) all pitch in to fix up the place and make it not quite as dingy as it used to be but not quite as whitewashed and sterile as it was becoming. (Throughout the montage, Warwick Davis is walking around, looking depressed, because, let's face it- we're here for Jennifer Aniston.) The health inspector passes them, Warwick Davis isn't bankrupt (but who really cares), and he and Jennifer Aniston end up together for some reason (again, it's 1993, so I guess it's pretty mandatory). Basically, it's The Station Agent with an Irish Puritan, a bar, and a less ambiguous ending (and a woeful lack of Peter Dinklage).
Okay, that's an okay movie that could probably clear 27% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, it's not going to win any awards, but it can generate some buzz just from the talent, and it's got that safe-bet, romantic comedy vibe to it. So let's see how this stacks up with the trailer.
Well, we're starting with a logo for Trimark entertainment, of which I've never heard, so that's always a good sign, right? Then we've got a documentary type narrator saying, "The luck... of the Irish." Is this about to be a period piece about The Troubles? I don't think that matches up with the poster, unless he's some sort of dwarf Puritan soldier during The Troubles, and you'd think we'd have heard about that. It's not every day that you see a dwarf in a Puritan costume kicking English ass (sorry, arse). There's also a four-leaf clover being laid on the ground. Very artsy. This is clearly much higher brow than what I had anticipated.
Wait. Wait. Now he's talking about how said luck of the Irish is being packed and shipped while a guy in a white suit hammers a box and we see a car driving down the road. Still no sign of a bar, but maybe the box is Warwick Davis' parents' coffin? Maybe that's what's going on? Maybe we're about to get the zany music and the comedy voice over guy is going to come in?
Okay, it's going to a little town in South Dakota, and there's a red jeep driving along the highway. It looks like Jennifer Aniston might be driving, and I could see the movie having an upbeat rock song accompanying this part ("Life Is A Highway" or "Crazy Train," for example). I guess the bar is going to be in South Dakota, which isn't the best place for a bar, but I mean, I guess that just emphasizes the fish out of water aspect of the movie.
OH SHIT. THE CLOVER JUST GOT KNOCKED OFF THE BOX. This clearly means... something? The voice over guy is also saying that the little town in South Dakota's "luck... has just run out." Maybe there's an overlay of hard economic times? Maybe some developer is trying to buy up the property where the bar is? That's reasonable for an early 90's movie, right?
Now there's a lightning strike and a family walking through a creepy house. There is, as yet, no sign of Warwick Davis. They're probably holding him back as a surprise, though. He's coming off his success from Willow and the BBC productions of The Chronicles of Narnia, so they don't want to blow the audience's mind with star-power of that magnitude. (He was also an Ewok in Return of the Jedi.) Jennifer Aniston walks down some stairs. There is a tarantula.
Okay. So, here's what I've got so far (at forty seconds in of a 113 second trailer). This is more like a very early version of The Transporter or one of the other human trafficking movies. Someone has shipped Warwick Davis across the country (probably for gang-related reasons), and it mistakenly got shipped to this suburban family featuring Jennifer Aniston that, for some reason, lives in a haunted house with tarantulas. Maybe the inevitable ghosts living in the family help them fight off the gangsters in the inevitable confrontation? Will this feature a prototype for the tarantula scene perfected in Home Alone?
Well, now there's just a montage of people getting hurt. A larger fellow said something about "He's got my ear, he's got my ear." Silly fellow. It's, "He's got my nose." You can't take a person's ear. There was also a bear trap and a lot of Jennifer Aniston running around. Now they're trying to stop the bleeding in the middle of nowhere while lightning strikes all around them. The aforementioned box is shaking a bit. My hypothesis about the bar is looking less likely by the moment.
HA. "Oh God it's in the cabinets." (They're also shooting the cabinets. Maybe this is from that remodeling montage?) What is it, though? Is it the fear of our own mortality? Is it a bear? It looks like a fuzzy hand is trying to open a door. That's something bears do, right? More running, more box shaking.
From the mouths of babes: "You can kill anything. You've just got to know how to do it." Ah, but can you kill gangsters? Nope. They're a product of the violence inherent to the system, and the system is what makes things work.
Jennifer Aniston now has a shotgun. Someone trips. Something is laughing- possibly gangsters? A large fellow almost gets grabbed by whatever is in the box. Clearly this large fellow is a gangster.
Title drop. "It's out. It's out of the crate." Yes, Jennifer Aniston, but what is it? Is it a reminder of the endless passage of time? Is it an allegory for AIDS?
Haha, nope, it's Warwick Davis in some makeup.
Let's do this.
Leprechaun: First off, the poster.
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| Looks pretty cheery. |
Well, we've got some fella in Pilgrim clothes, and he's opening a door. We've got a tagline (namely, "Your luck just ran out."), but it's in a nice white font, so I'm thinking this is a comedy. Heck, the title is in the somewhat kitschy font they use for generic Irish pubs across the country. So. I'm going to take the stab that we've got a dwarf (apparently played by Warwick Davis, who proceeded to parley being a dwarf into a career of making jokes about how he's a dwarf (based on the reference pool of seeing one clip of Life's Too Short, mostly to watch Liam Neeson)), and he's a Puritan, see? He didn't get along with his folks because of his religion, though, so he's spent a lot of time away from home. Then, his parents die in some sort of tragic accident, so he has to come back to his hometown and manage the family business, which is an Irish pub. So, like, he's opening the door to the bar, and he's having trouble reconciling his (strictly dictated by Hollywood's ideas of his) religious beliefs with running this bar. And, I mean, he had a good thing going as a Puritan, and he felt pretty blessed but now? His luck just ran out.
And, see, Jennifer Aniston is in this one, too, so she's probably the street smart bartender (well, it's an Irish pub in the early 90s, so they probably call her a barmaid (not that they should, mind you, but this IS pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston, so she doesn't carry a whole lot of clout)) who slings the various drinks in the small town.
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| A role she would reprise in Office Space. But, you know, with a little more flair. |
But, see, now she's got this uptight Puritan (and who is even a Puritan anymore, really? Why would you wear buckles on your hats and shoes?), and she has to sorta show him the ropes on how to get along in this town. He has to run the business, though, so he can't just pal around with EVERYONE, or else he'll be buying all their drinks and won't ever actually get paid (which may actually be what leads Warwick Davis into doing Life's Too Short, because, really, Ricky Gervais could probably just do a vanity project where celebrities play parodies of themselves and he acts obnoxious and we'd be in the same place we are now in terms of Ricky Gervais shows), leading to him losing the family business. Now, he and his Pop didn't agree on much, but this is his father's legacy, you know? He has to keep it afloat somehow.
He decides that, rather than a small pub, he's going to make it into a bit of an Irish spectacle. That gets brought on because his Puritan duds are a bit faded, so they almost look green, and when he's walking down the street (after having an argument with Jennifer Aniston about how they're going to keep the bar running), someone calls him a leprechaun. (Small town folk can be so cruel.) His luck just ran out. He tries to take it in stride, has a lightbulb moment, decides that he'll make the bar into a gimmicky family restaurant called Leprechaun's.
 |
| Basically a more upscale Bennigan's. |
Things start well enough, but the employees are not happy (and, from what I hear from food and bev workers, I can't say that I blame them). Jennifer Aniston starts rallying them against the new regime, which is unfortunate (OR SHOULD I SAY FUNFORTUNATE) for Warwick Davis, because he's finally coming to grips with the feelings he's developed for her. Well, things come to a head, and, wouldn't you know it, they come to a head right as the health inspector is doing a surprise inspection! Oh no! Warwick Davis' luck just ran out! Again! How are they going to get out of this one?
Well, it's 1993, so they're going to use a montage. Jennifer Aniston and the other zany employees (all of whom I'm sure have one and exactly one quirk) all pitch in to fix up the place and make it not quite as dingy as it used to be but not quite as whitewashed and sterile as it was becoming. (Throughout the montage, Warwick Davis is walking around, looking depressed, because, let's face it- we're here for Jennifer Aniston.) The health inspector passes them, Warwick Davis isn't bankrupt (but who really cares), and he and Jennifer Aniston end up together for some reason (again, it's 1993, so I guess it's pretty mandatory). Basically, it's The Station Agent with an Irish Puritan, a bar, and a less ambiguous ending (and a woeful lack of Peter Dinklage).
 |
| He was too busy becoming the next Gordon Gekko. |
Okay, that's an okay movie that could probably clear 27% on Rotten Tomatoes. I mean, it's not going to win any awards, but it can generate some buzz just from the talent, and it's got that safe-bet, romantic comedy vibe to it. So let's see how this stacks up with the trailer.
Well, we're starting with a logo for Trimark entertainment, of which I've never heard, so that's always a good sign, right? Then we've got a documentary type narrator saying, "The luck... of the Irish." Is this about to be a period piece about The Troubles? I don't think that matches up with the poster, unless he's some sort of dwarf Puritan soldier during The Troubles, and you'd think we'd have heard about that. It's not every day that you see a dwarf in a Puritan costume kicking English ass (sorry, arse). There's also a four-leaf clover being laid on the ground. Very artsy. This is clearly much higher brow than what I had anticipated.
Wait. Wait. Now he's talking about how said luck of the Irish is being packed and shipped while a guy in a white suit hammers a box and we see a car driving down the road. Still no sign of a bar, but maybe the box is Warwick Davis' parents' coffin? Maybe that's what's going on? Maybe we're about to get the zany music and the comedy voice over guy is going to come in?
Okay, it's going to a little town in South Dakota, and there's a red jeep driving along the highway. It looks like Jennifer Aniston might be driving, and I could see the movie having an upbeat rock song accompanying this part ("Life Is A Highway" or "Crazy Train," for example). I guess the bar is going to be in South Dakota, which isn't the best place for a bar, but I mean, I guess that just emphasizes the fish out of water aspect of the movie.
OH SHIT. THE CLOVER JUST GOT KNOCKED OFF THE BOX. This clearly means... something? The voice over guy is also saying that the little town in South Dakota's "luck... has just run out." Maybe there's an overlay of hard economic times? Maybe some developer is trying to buy up the property where the bar is? That's reasonable for an early 90's movie, right?
Now there's a lightning strike and a family walking through a creepy house. There is, as yet, no sign of Warwick Davis. They're probably holding him back as a surprise, though. He's coming off his success from Willow and the BBC productions of The Chronicles of Narnia, so they don't want to blow the audience's mind with star-power of that magnitude. (He was also an Ewok in Return of the Jedi.) Jennifer Aniston walks down some stairs. There is a tarantula.
Okay. So, here's what I've got so far (at forty seconds in of a 113 second trailer). This is more like a very early version of The Transporter or one of the other human trafficking movies. Someone has shipped Warwick Davis across the country (probably for gang-related reasons), and it mistakenly got shipped to this suburban family featuring Jennifer Aniston that, for some reason, lives in a haunted house with tarantulas. Maybe the inevitable ghosts living in the family help them fight off the gangsters in the inevitable confrontation? Will this feature a prototype for the tarantula scene perfected in Home Alone?
 |
| You know the one. |
Well, now there's just a montage of people getting hurt. A larger fellow said something about "He's got my ear, he's got my ear." Silly fellow. It's, "He's got my nose." You can't take a person's ear. There was also a bear trap and a lot of Jennifer Aniston running around. Now they're trying to stop the bleeding in the middle of nowhere while lightning strikes all around them. The aforementioned box is shaking a bit. My hypothesis about the bar is looking less likely by the moment.
HA. "Oh God it's in the cabinets." (They're also shooting the cabinets. Maybe this is from that remodeling montage?) What is it, though? Is it the fear of our own mortality? Is it a bear? It looks like a fuzzy hand is trying to open a door. That's something bears do, right? More running, more box shaking.
From the mouths of babes: "You can kill anything. You've just got to know how to do it." Ah, but can you kill gangsters? Nope. They're a product of the violence inherent to the system, and the system is what makes things work.
Jennifer Aniston now has a shotgun. Someone trips. Something is laughing- possibly gangsters? A large fellow almost gets grabbed by whatever is in the box. Clearly this large fellow is a gangster.
Title drop. "It's out. It's out of the crate." Yes, Jennifer Aniston, but what is it? Is it a reminder of the endless passage of time? Is it an allegory for AIDS?
Haha, nope, it's Warwick Davis in some makeup.
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| This summer's wacky comedy! |
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